his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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