last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
