i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
