They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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