We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
