i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We got so high we made milksteak
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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