we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
