you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
