I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
