my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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