ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
