im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
