if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When are your genitals available?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
