I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have post one night stand depression
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