You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
