Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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