Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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