Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
last night I used snow as a chaser
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
