I must be too annoying 4 u.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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