Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
