Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize