I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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