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I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
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