ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.