after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.