Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
