I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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