i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
