3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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