I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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