All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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