quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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