i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
