Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
