hotel room ftw
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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