I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
