my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
