12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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