is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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