I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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