i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
