She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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