Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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