Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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