The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
