I wannas sexs uuuuu
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
