do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
