how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
