are you still at the devil's house?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
