it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
