Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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