Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You ruined the universe
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize