At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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