i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
