Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
