I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
