I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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