When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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