what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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