dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
