It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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