why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
