FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
