my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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