Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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