batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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