Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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