last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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