are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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