We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
