this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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