I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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