i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
