This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
