if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In America we eat man semen.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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